My name is NOT Uzumaki, Naruto!
by glitter2126
Summary: We all know that it was Itachi and Kisame's mission to capture the one and only Naruto. But what would happen if Itach and Kisame caught the wrong kid?Can she get it through the Akastuki member's big heads that she's not him? pure randomness!
1. Chapter 1

**ok so this is just gonna be a little story, meaning it's only gonna have a few chapters (no it wont be as long as true love and a child :P) But anyways, I've been meaning to do another story in accordance to my other one 'true love and a child.' (go check it out if you haven't). But anyways, yea...enjoy. Oh and the main character's name is not after Bella from twilight! I absolutley hate that girls character...but yea... **

My name is NOT Uzumaki, Naruto!

She scrubbed her face with warm water. The teenage girl lowered the pale blue wash cloth from her face, and inspected the remaining damage on her face in the bathroom mirror; Pale blue eyes, short blonde hair, and permanent marker was what made up her reflection.

"_God damn it Steph, I'm gonna kill you!" _she thought bitterly, before rinsing the cloth and continuing to scrub away at her face

"Hey, Bells, are you almost done in there?" a voice, female, called out from behind the wooden door.

"I would have, if someone hadn't decided to use permanent marker on my face!" she called back.

"Hey, it's not my fault you fell asleep first!" The voice responded with a laugh. "Now, HURRY UP!"

The blonde girl sighed, turning her head side to side. Only 3 lines remained on each cheek making 6 in total. "Hn, guess it will have to do." she said, tussling her short blonde hair, making a few strands stand up. Hastily, she walked over and turned the bronze doorknob. She opened the door to be greeted by a flash of a camera and the laughter of 2 people.

"Smile for the camera!`` rang out the voice of a short blonde female.

``Gee, thanks Pria.`` The taller blonde stated, eyes still unfocused from the flash.

``No problem Bella!`` the camera holder Pria said cheerfully.

The other girl: the one who was laughing uncontrollably, was taller with fiery red hair.

``O, and thank you Steph for the lovely drawings on my face!`` Bella said turning to the redhead, her voice thick with sarcasm

``So, you did like my face painting!`` Exclaimed the red head. ``And here i thought you hated it!``

``hn.`` Bella mumbled, making her way down the stairs making her way to a room filled with 3 sleeping bags.

Popcorn was spewed across the floor, a movie playing on the small television screen, and wrapping paper, so much wrapping paper all over the furniture.

_``I'm so glad i don`t have to clean this up.`` _Bella thought

The laughing from behind her indicated that her 2 friends had come down. Both Steph and Pria came to stand on either side of her.

OoOoOoOoOoOo 1 hour later OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The short haired blonde pulled on her winter coat in front of her fellow blonde friend.

``I don`t get why you keep that coat Bells?" Pria asked, arms crossed.

"What?" Bella asked defensively.

"It's so ugly, and the colour is..."

"What's the matter with the colour!"

"It's ORANGE Bella, f***in ORANGE!"

Bella let out a smirk "But it's warm. I've told you before, I'm not getting another coat." she concluded zippping up the zipper, and slipping on her black boots.

Pria opened the front door and let out a sigh as Bella walked through. Bella turned and hugged her friend saying "Happy Birthday." She turned and began walking away, out of the blue she heard her friend call out behind her.

"YOU LOOK LIKE A PUMPKIN!"

To which she replied "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" while continuing to walk away, a smile spread on her face.

The wind whipped around her as she made her way to the bus stop. She held her jacket close to her body, praying that she hadn't missed the bus. Unfortunately, just as she rounded the corner she saw the end of its exhaust pipe rear off.

"crap, crap, CRAP!" Bella yelled, running after thee city bus attempting to catch it, though in her mind it made no good.

The blonde stopped her sprinting when she could no longer see the bus. Shrugging her shoulders she trudged back to the bus stop looking at the bus schedule. To her disappointment the next buss didn't come for the next hour in a half. _"Well that's just great."_ she thought bitterly.

Bella stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out a small pink phone, turned it on, only to be greeted by a brief message of a low battery before turning off. -_"there goes calling a cab."_ - Bella looked up and down the abandoned street. She took a deep breath, feeling defeated, and started walking down the street towards her 50 minute away home.

The blue eyed, blonde, was halfway home when she felt as though she was being watched. She slowly stopped walking and looked around her. Nothing was there. Bella started walking again, this time she heard a noise coming from her right. She jolted her head. The rustling of leaves were coming from beside her. Her whole body tensed, yet she couldn't help but walk towards the tree where the sound was coming from.

"wh-whose there?" she asked meekly, continuing towards the noise; the tree.

There was movement.

Bella covered her eyes, and let out a yelp.

A crow flew past her, letting out a squawk.

"A crow?" Bella whispered, putting her arms down. "I was scared of a friggin crow?"

She let out a little laugh as she turned around, almost running into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She stated, attempting to walk forward. Only, she found that the body in front of her wouldn't move.

A man of about 20 stood in front of her. He had pale skin, black eyes, heavy bags under his eyes, and long black hair loosely tied in a pony tale. And he happened to be looking directly at her.

"_God, he's kind of cute." _The blonde thought. "_But why is he staring at me like that?" _she wondered. The she realized, _"Oh God, the lines on my face. He must think I have some disease or something." H_er face started turning a light pink.

"Ummm, excuse me please." Bella lightly said, attempting to manoeuvre around him.

In a split second, the blonde felt the man's hands grab her tightly, one on each arm, and pulling her back to his chest.

"Wha-" she started, before having a black bag shoved over her head by a second person. She only caught a glimpse of him, but she could of sworn that his skin was: _"blue?"_

"Well that was easy." a muffled gruff voice stated from in front of her.

"We have you now Uzumaki, Naruto." a second voice said, to faint that she was sure the person was merely talking to himself then anyone else.

It was only seconds before she felt a firm hand on her shoulder pressing a pressure point, causing Bella to black out...


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the wait everyone...i've actually had this written for a while. The reason i havent posted was because i left my laptop (the comp with the only version of the story) at my nana's...and only just got it back yesterday T.T... Enjoy. **

**I own nothing**

My name is NOT Uzumaki, Naruto! ch2

..Bella woke with a sudden jerk. She let out a small groan, opening her eyes, at least she thought she opened her eyes.

Blackness is all that greeted her.

"What?" she asked groggily. Attempting to wipe her eyes with her hands, only to find that her hands felt as though they had been tied together. Suddenly the blonde remembered everything: the man, being grabbed, blacking out. "Shit." She muttered. "There goes my 50 buck self defense training class."

She heard the sound of shoes walking behind her. Bella held her breath. She wasn't alone.

"He awake yet?" a voice said.

"How the hell should I know." responded another.

Silence.

Bella remained as still as possible, remaining in the same position as she woke up in; though, as she noted, it wasn't that comfortable as her left arm appeared to be numb. She heard the constant pacing of shoes, but still remained as still as possible.

"Hey Kakuzu, whose this guy again.?" said the man who appeared to be pacing.

"_Guy?" _

an agrivated sigh was let out from across the room, "He is the Kyuubi: Uzumaki Naruto, you idiot."

"_That's not my name." _

"Oh." the other responded, remaining silent for a few minutes. "and why do we have to keep him alive?"

The man Kakuzu heaved another agrivated sigh. "Because."

a small laugh. "That's not a reason." the pacing stopped. Bella almost jumped when she heard the man's voice directly in front of her. "I mean, why can't we just kill him.-"

"_Kill?"_

"-I'm sure this kid would make a great sacrifice for my God." and with that Bella felt the man touching her arm.

Out of instinct, She flailed her legs in the location of the voice. She felt her binded legs hit something .

"Son of a-" the other man said, kicking the blonde in her side, causing her to let out a yelp.

"Hidan." Kakuzu growled.

"What? She kicked me first." Hidan said pacing again.

Bella heard a second pair of footsteps. They were coming directly towards her. In a flash the bag covering her head was ripped off, causing Bella's blue eyes to be blinded by the light.

"Go get the others and tell them he's up." kakuzu ordered.

"Why should I-"

"Hidan!"

"Tsk, fine."

As her blue eyes slowly adjusted, she was pulled up on her butt, by this man named Kakuzu. She looked at him and almost screamed.

The man had dark brown skin, wore a mask, and was completely covered in large black stitches.

Several others entered including the two that had kidnapped her. She found it shocking that the second man who had taken her was truly blue, making the blonde think of a fish rather a man.

"_what the hell is going on in here?" _She thought, attempting to struggle free.

"Don't even try it, hmm." said a long haired blonde man-or was it a woman "We made sure that you can't use any chakra in here." Bella figured it was a man, due to the slight deepness in his tone.

"Huh?" was all she was able to say.

"It means that you wont be able to attack us dumbass." said a man with slicked silver hair, and a sort of rosary around his neck. She had a strange hunch that this was the other man named Hidan.

"Hidan, don't be disrespectful." said a red headed man who looked no more older then 18; not much older then Bella who was 15.

"why the fuck not?" he demanded. "It's not like he's a house guest coming over for afternoon tea." the silver haired man said bending down behind her. At first the blonde tensed with fear. What was he going to do? Was he going to kill her? Her heart nearly stopped when she felt her hands go free of her bonds. Hidan walked back to his comrades, who were in a deep huddle, whispering. Bella had a feeling that it was about her.

"He's a bit puny, don't you think?" said a plant.

"_Wait-WHAT!" _Bella thought, taking a second look at the source of the voice. It appeared to be a giant plant who appeared to be black and white.

"Yes, I agree," said the other side of the plant. Bella thought she was going out of her mind. "For a boy he sure is scrawny."

"That's because I'm not a boy." mumbled the blonde. Her eyes opened wide at the realization of that she had just actually talked aloud.

She prayed they hadn't heard.

The group members all turned to look at her.

Shit.

Hidan let out a smirk. "What do you mean you're not a boy." the silver haired man let out a scoff. "Are you one of those people who wishes that instead of a he, you were a she?" **(AN: i am not against this type of life style. I think if one person feels comfortable as their opposite gender that is completely up to them...unfortunately, Hidan doesn't believe that...he's an ass. Thank you.)** "Wow!" he continued, turning to Kakuzu. "Why does Itachi and Kisame get all the fun. They get a gender confused homo, while all we get is a normal jinjuricchi."

Bella bit down on her lip; she really didn't like this 'Hidan' person.

Hidan moved close to her face; his violet eyes staring in her blue ones.

"Aw, come on. Are you just gonna shut up just because I made fun of your gender identity, you stu-"

Hidan received a firm slap across his face. "ACTUALLY," Bella began, furious. "There isn't a problem with my gender. BECAUSE I am a female."

Hidan looked like he was about to respond, but a firm hand on his shoulder pulled him back. Bella saw her first abductor, the black haired one; Itachi, step forward.

His voice was smooth and masculine. The type of voice Bella would totally go gaga for if it wasn't for the fact this man had kidnapped her. "What do you mean by female?"

"Huh?" was all bella could respond with. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what do you mean by you saying that you're a female?"

"No, I get that. Just what do you mean by me trying to tell you what you mean when you ask me about me being a female?"

And thus started a very confusing 10 minute long conversation between the blue eyed blonde Bella and the so called 'smart' Uchiha Itachi...


	3. Chapter 3

The conversation between the blonde and the Uchiha seemed to go on forever.

"They've been talking forever!" Tobi whined.

"It's only been 10 minutes." Sasori stated, staring at the scene in front of him.

"Feels more like 5 months, hm." Deidara muttered.

'I know what you mean in saying that you don't understand that I'm a female. What I don't understand is that why are you confused about my gender."

"I am not confused about you gender Identity." Itachi said calmly. "I am confused about why you say that you're a female-"

"I AM A FEMALE!" Bella roared.

"No you are not." Itachi stated before continuing. "I am confused about what you mean by asking me about what I mean when I asked you about why you were-"

"OH FOR JASHIN SAKE SHUT THE HELL UP!" yelled Hidan. Both Itachi and the blue eyed blonde turned to look at the silver haired man. Itachi opened his mouth to say something, Hidan interrupted. "No! Don't say anything! If you think that I'm gonna suffer through a conversation like that again, your wrong." He said, eyes boring into his black haired comrade. "And you!" He said pointing at Bella. "I don't care if you're gender confused. YOU ARE A BOY!"

"But I-" the blonde started, only to silence herself after receiving a death glare from this man named Hidan.

Kakuzu moved forward, "For once I'm going to have to agree with Hidan."

"Tobi agrees too! Naruto is a boy!"

"Shut up Tobi." kakuzu commanded.

Bella looked around. She felt like she was going to cry. Here she was, 16 years old, kidnapped and being told she's someone she wasn't. The blonde man who she originally mistook for a female moved forward. "Hey, don't cry. It's not like were gonna torture you to death, hm. We're just gonna remove the nine tailed beast within you." he said miraculously producing a kleenex and handing it over to the small 'man' in front of him.

"You mean I'm not gonna die." The blonde asked, her eyes as big a saucers.

Zetsu coughed. "Well, not exactly. There is a slight possibly that you'll live." his white half said. "But the ration is 1 in 1000." the black half concluded with a smirk.

That had done it, Bella started crying. "BUT MY NAME ISN'T EVEN NURUTO!"

"Uh, Naruto." Kisame corrected.

The blonde sniffed. "Oh, OK. MY NAME ISN'T NARUTO, IT'S BELLA! AND I'M NOT A BOY, I'M A GIRL!"

The Akastuki members groaned.

"Oh come on, you don't even have boobs." Sasori stated. The other members turned to look at the redhead.

"What did you just say." a menacing voice said.

The Akastuki members turned their attention back to the blonde. All appearance of distress was gone from the teen's face. Anger filled her eyes.

"I said that you don't even have-" Sasori started. A firm fist into his face interrupted him from finishing his sentence.

"I don't care that you mistake me for a man. It happens, I get that. I don't care if you call me by the wrong name. The fact is I hate my name. But let me tell you something," Bella began, looming over Sasori. Waves of hostile aggression radiated off the teen's petite form. "no one. I repeat NO ONE makes fun of my boobs. They may be small, but they are there!"

"But Tobi doesn't see any."

Bella let out a long sigh. "Do I need to prove that they're there?"

Hidan let out a snort. "Prove what, that you're flat as a bill board?"

"THAT'S IT!" Bella roared. If she was going to prove it to them, she was going to prove it to them. It wouldn't have been the first time she had to do it. She looked around the room. Noticed that there was a chair in the corner. Walking over to it she undid the zipper to her orange coat and placed it on the chair. The blonde then proceeded to remove her sweater and long sleeve shirt, placing them onto the chair as well. Bella was now only wearing a black tank top and her jeans. She turned and looked at the people in the room.

"Well, I don't see anything." Hidan argued. Deidara and Itachi nodded in agreement.

"Oh my God." Bella huffed, rolling her eyes. "Fine, you know what, I was hoping NOT to do this. After all, last time I got suspended. But since you are blind, I guess I have too." And with a swift movement, Bella lifted up her black tank top, revealing a red stripped bra.

Deidara had a bloody nose and fell to the floor. Sasori just closed his eyes and remained silent. Kakuzu, Itachi and Kisame looked straight ahead, not saying a word. Tobi fainted. That left Hidan

"Oh. My. Jashin." Was all the Jashinist could say.

Bella let down her top. "Now do you believe that I'm a girl?"

"I think i'm going to get Leader-sama." Kisame said leaving the room as quickly as possible.

"Ya, you go do that."


End file.
